In 2015, on Rachel’s 30th birthday, I sent her an email. I copied her boyfriend, because I was certain that he — like Billy and family, like Roman, like college friends, like Perry — had heard Rachel’s tales of abuse by her selfish, mentally ill stepmother. I don't know if either of them read that email, but I intended that the absolute blow of my words would prove as lethal to Rachel as her betrayals and lies had felt to me. I hope that she did read it, so that she might be able to understand — at a visceral level — what she had done to me.
Before I was reduced to taking this hurtful approach, I had worked for years to survive the pain and despair that she caused by telling hateful lies about me.
Attempts at reconciliation and forgiveness were terminated by me in 2013, after I discovered she continued to fabricate tales of horror and woe about me, despite our agreement that she would stop the lying and we would try to restore a semblance of our “pre- Aunt Patty” relationship. I know with certainty that I tried to forgive and forget; I spent ten years devoted to that. I believe that Rachel was so damaged psychologically from the parental alienation campaign by her aunt that it awakened her nearly dormant Reactive Attachment Disorder. Although I knew that her illness compelled her to act badly towards me, I also knew that I had ensured that Rachel could survive and function at high levels in the world. I was angry that she allowed her infantile rage (from early neglect and abandonment by her birth mother) to overcome her intellect (that certainly could remember that she and I had shared a very close bond and a loving, trusting relationship during her childhood).
To end my own misery, I made a plan to abandon attempts at peace and to join her war by attacking Rachel in the same ways that she had been attacking me. My goal was to do this in a manner that would counter and terminate her lies, attention-seeking behaviors, and imaginary “blow-ups” with me once and for all. The price was steep: zero chance of reconciliation. Muting my ten years of pain was worth the price.
Of course it did not work. Nothing works.
Here is what I sent. I hope that these words of truth haunt her every single day, as the pain of her lies has permeated my life.
Before I was reduced to taking this hurtful approach, I had worked for years to survive the pain and despair that she caused by telling hateful lies about me.
Attempts at reconciliation and forgiveness were terminated by me in 2013, after I discovered she continued to fabricate tales of horror and woe about me, despite our agreement that she would stop the lying and we would try to restore a semblance of our “pre- Aunt Patty” relationship. I know with certainty that I tried to forgive and forget; I spent ten years devoted to that. I believe that Rachel was so damaged psychologically from the parental alienation campaign by her aunt that it awakened her nearly dormant Reactive Attachment Disorder. Although I knew that her illness compelled her to act badly towards me, I also knew that I had ensured that Rachel could survive and function at high levels in the world. I was angry that she allowed her infantile rage (from early neglect and abandonment by her birth mother) to overcome her intellect (that certainly could remember that she and I had shared a very close bond and a loving, trusting relationship during her childhood).
To end my own misery, I made a plan to abandon attempts at peace and to join her war by attacking Rachel in the same ways that she had been attacking me. My goal was to do this in a manner that would counter and terminate her lies, attention-seeking behaviors, and imaginary “blow-ups” with me once and for all. The price was steep: zero chance of reconciliation. Muting my ten years of pain was worth the price.
Of course it did not work. Nothing works.
Here is what I sent. I hope that these words of truth haunt her every single day, as the pain of her lies has permeated my life.
Ten lessons Rachel has learned by age 30
1) Telling big lies produces big results. The absolute falsehoods that you told about your “step-mother” (me, your mother -- in practice and legal fact) resulted in you inheriting the money that was intended for your father. Intended by his father -- whose money it was. Granted, your vile Aunt Patty had a part in this, but you provided the specific lies that allowed her to influence your Nanny against your dad. That inheritance belongs to your father. You are immoral and evil to take one penny of it. It is for him; he is now denied money that he actually may need, and more importantly is denied one of the greatest pleasures of a parent: to have the money to help his child buy a house or accomplish other things that require money.
2) Immoral behavior and greed don't matter; there are no consequences for you.
3) Shattering the heart of your mother who devoted her life to your well-being is a positive action. Perhaps repeating such pleasurable activity will feel similarly fulfilling when you so deeply hurt your next target.
4) Publishing attention-seeking lies makes you feel good about yourself. Telling lies compulsively is an interesting and positive way of life.
5) Romanticizing imagined stories about biological family members makes them true.
6) Feelings of anger, hysteria, and panic are always the fault of your “step-mother.” Acting out against your “step-mother” when anybody upsets you is always the best course of action.
7) Continuing to engage in the perverse family triangle created and perpetuated by your father is mature adult behavior. Adopting his attitude of indifference to family is healthy.
8) Avoidance, dismissiveness, disdain, and denial are always the best way to handle emotional issues.
9) Trying to follow your “step-mother’s” career path will assuage and convince you that you've redeemed your inherently horrible self.
10) You can cause your “step-mother” to lower herself to your level at moments like this, as you've given her the gift of endless pain.
