Mean Spirited

Sorting through old photos, I found one in which this art by Patty Grossman is hanging on a wall. This abstract work hung in our homes in California along with a quadtych that Patty gave to Rachel. I haven't spotted that grouping of quasi-psychedelic, playful quadrants in any photos yet, but will add an image of it to this post if I do.

I valued the works; Peter's sister had produced them and given them to us (well, actually, this one to Peter and the quadtych to Rachel ... but that constituted "us" in my mind). The colors factored into home decorating schemes, so that the paintings could be on display, and I pointed them out to visitors as works by Rachel's aunt -- just as I occasionally reminded Rachel that I truly admired Patty's efforts to make it as an artist and writer in New York City. 

Yesterday, when I spotted this painting in the background of a photo, I reacted viscerally as I relived an oddly enjoyable experience. In 2004, when I was packing up our San Carlos house before moving to Hawaii, I tried to give the paintings to Rachel. She had no interest. As a collector, I couldn't fathom it, especially since they were gifts from the artist, who also happened to be Rachel's only biological aunt. I asked if she wanted us to save them for her. She had no interest. Peter had already made clear that he didn't want them moved to Hawaii; he'd never cared for them, and any need for pretense on his part no longer existed.

A year and a half earlier, by late 2002, our family relations had been strained by Patty's insidious and overt attempts to alienate Rachel from her parents, particularly me. And just  a year earlier, on the 24th of July in 2003, our family was nearly shattered by the escalation of her alienation efforts. I thought about her direct words, her insinuations, and her actual plots with respect to Rachel.

While contemplating, I removed each painting from its frame. Each work used thick paper that was imbued with layers of chalk, ink, paint, perhaps other media -- adding surprising weight to each piece. I considered each for a bit as the pastels rubbed off onto my hands, and wondered at the evil twin who continues to struggle to create art. I spoke aloud, as when I "clear" a space, deleting Patty from our family and banishing her destructive energies. Then, one at a time, I methodically tore each of the five works into 2 inch wide strips and added them to the trash.

After washing my hands, I returned to the room with burning sage to smudge (clear) Patty's negative energies.

Normally, the idea of desecrating or destroying somebody's work of art would be horrifying and unthinkable to me.

However, in this case, it was and is a most gratifying expression of how I feel about Peter's sister. It is even more satisfying to discover a reminder of a forgotten moment serendipitously, to recall that solemn and tactile experience, and to write about it publicly!

 

Speculating and Solving

On a fine afternoon in Amsterdam ...

esoteric idea exchanges ... photo by LJ

I always have so much fun hanging out with L&R, brainstorming and learning. To have such fine friends is a great gift and honor.

Not Forgiving

Against all common advice and "spiritual wisdom," I've reached this conclusion:

When someone's actions are genuinely offensive and immoral, and the perpetrator neither shows remorse nor makes any effort to change, not forgiving is a moral and honest choice -- especially if hurt and anger are no longer present.

My favorite prayer

From the past, let me learn,
     for the present let me live,
          and for the future, let me strive.
May today be the holy benefactor of tomorrow.

-- Mary Magdalen

Westward, to the East

Since early 2012, our focus has turned to Asia. Over the year, we visited Viet Nam, Japan, Hong Kong, China (PRC), and Macau ... plus Guam, if it counts as part of Asia. Our circle of colleagues and friends has expanded to include a diverse  group of very smart, interesting, highly motivated people from around the globe.

Unexpectedly, I've become a great admirer of China!

©2013 by Carol Porter, taken inside A-Ma Temple, Macau

If I were beginning my career now, I would find work in China for at least a few years. Soon China will have more English speakers than the US, so English speakers can manage while they learn to speak Mandarin. Heck, I might even consider moving to China at this time, if we weren't already starting to live part of each year in Amsterdam!

But we will visit China every year, from now on. Perhaps multiple times each year. :-)

On the agenda

Once again, I'm managing a complicated schedule that includes a challenging consulting gig, hosting many guests, relaxing when possible, home and garden projects, plus quite a bit of travel. I've just returned from my annual "girlfriend holiday" in Amsterdam and Cordoba. It's taken nearly a week to recover from the lack of sleep ... but we had a warm, enjoyable, fun time together. I really cherish this vacation time with my great pals. By now, I feel at home, truly comfortable and confident, in Amsterdam and Cordoba, which makes return visits even more enjoyable.

Bebidas refrescantes y tapas in Posada del Potro, after an enchanting flamenco guitar performance.

At the moment, we're hosting some regular guests, J&A plus their two lovely children, ages 3 and 10 months. After they depart on Tuesday, I need to dig in and clear the clutter before housekeepers arrive to spiff up the house again. During the 24 days I was in Europe, Peter endured brutal, relentless, constant windstorms at home. Although he closed up the house, there is a layer of lava grit covering everything. Next Thursday, J&L from southern California will arrive for a few days. Of all the future guests on our calendar, the most happily anticipated is my beloved nephew, M, who will visit with his new fiancée J. I've loved that boy so deeply his entire life, and have lost regular contact as he's grown up and built his independent life. Can't wait to hug him and spend time with him!

I'm already thinking about my next major trip, which will take place after Labor Day, with Caroline. We  had to cancel our trip to Turkey last year, so may try to go there again. I hope we'll spend a few days in London, regardless of ultimate destination. London has become "our city;" we really know our way around, and feel comfortable pretending we live there.

Although I describe myself as "a dedicated follower of fashion," at home I live in shorts, tank tops and Orthaheel "slippahs" (in many colorways, of course). Because fashion is my passion (well, one of them, since I was a little girl), I'd enjoy visiting this portrait exhibit featuring the costumes of the British monarchs and courts during the Tudor and Stuart periods. Also, after several years in renovation, the fashion exhibits at the V&A have re-opened, so that is a definite plan. If there's enough time, we could take the train west to Bath, to visit its Fashion Museum's "Fifty Fabulous Frocks" special exhibit. She and I thoroughly enjoyed the time spent at this museum during our 2011 visit to Bath.

Trying on a corset and hoopskirt at Bath's Fashion Museum

An unrelated destination, Bletchley Park, will wait until another trip to the U.K.