Yule Tide Cheer

The winter solstice, the festival of lights, and Christmas all come together each year to encourage us with symbolic renewal -- the birthday of the unconquered sun, the oil that sustained itself and continued burning until it could be replaced, the birth of the immortal son.



It's a natural time to celebrate warmly with friends and family, in the aloha spirit.

Links: Plants of the Winter Solstice
Photo of the Newgrange, Ireland Solstice

Narcissists

All narcissists have attachment problems. Narcissists are unable to parent in the loving, giving, selfless ways that are required to produce emotionally healthy children. Many adult children of narcissists find themselves unable to build healthy attachments, so the problem perpetuates. Narcissists always resent attachment when they encounter it; predictably, they attempt to weaken securely attached relationships that they observe between people close to them.

Ever unable to accept responsibility for problems they cause, narcissists invariably deflect blame to others -- repeatedly accusing them of anything that might stick, e.g., mental illness or projection.

This happens even when narcissists are presented with irrefutable evidence of their misdeeds. In narcissism, denial is an integral means to escape personal responsibility. Two recurring activities and attributes of this destructive and remorseless personality type predominate: schadenfreude and self-righteous denigration of others.

It's virtually impossible for narcissists to admit accountability for mistakes or ill-intended activities. Never expect an honest resolution to problems or issues with narcissists.

Craziness ricochets when dealing with narcissists -- that's how they're able to function. Sometimes it's called projective identification.

note: this post is dedicated to the malignant narcissists who attempted to destroy our family: Patty Grossman and Carol Klein.

What I'm working on this week

Thanks to Ron Brezsny, I am determined to cultivate a desire to recognize and respond to the raw truth of each new moment.

It was twenty years ago today!

This faded photo of Peter and me was taken at Evelyn's Christmas party in San Francisco in 1988.

Recently, I scanned and "restored" this Polaroid image, after it was cut, scratched and torn in the October 15, 2006 earthquake. The above result was the best I could do; Polaroids don't hold up very well.

This month Peter and I celebrate our 21st Christmas together, our 4th year in our Hawaiian home (December 11), and our 4th wedding anniversary on December 29 -- the same day we toast 21-1/2 years together!

Christmas has always been *the* special holiday for me. During many of the early years of our partnership we struggled through Christmas; Peter's disdain for family traditions prevented him from relaxing, enjoying, and participating -- and often prompted sabotage. Poor Rachel was never allowed to experience the magic of the holidays.

Finally, after years of resisting, Peter now joins in and enjoys himself. He "gets" the traditions of family love, giving, sharing, and celebrating; now they are meaningful to him ... as long as he doesn't have to work too hard or shop very often!

The "gift" that came out of our 2003 family debacle is we've learned to strengthen our love by working together, instead of avoiding and complaining and blaming. It's the best gift ever.