Since 2012, every year for Rosh Hashana I participate in a series of ten daily questions on the DoYou10Q website. I don't always answer every question, but each year it is gratifying or interesting to read my responses from previous years. This year, I was shocked to read an answer I wrote in September 2020.
Describe a significant experience that has happened in the past year. How did it affect you? Are you grateful? Relieved? Resentful? Inspired?
My brother Michael died on January 5. This is still an unimaginable loss. I grieve every day, and I remember the times we spent together in the past four years with great gratitude. Of course, the COVID-19 pandemic has affected the entire year and kept us at home.
November 29, 2020 is Rachel's 35th birthday. I "became" her mother when I was age 35. For 17 years, I was devoted to her and made sure she had every support and resource that I was able to give her. Then she turned on me, telling truly vicious lies and betraying my love and trust.
Until last year, I struggled with this, but my brother's illness put things in perspective. People that disrespect me and betray me have no place in my life. Ever. So, the same is true now for my sister Jill. I love her (I can't actually say that I love Rachel any more — she is just a lousy memory of a waste of my time), but Jill invented a story about me that she told so many times that she believes it. I will love Jill always, but from afar, and let her live with her invented history without me as a part of her every day life.
The feelings I expressed about Rachel are harsh, but they are mine. I have no interest in interacting with Rachel in any way, ever again in my lifetime. She is an unrepentant liar and a documented traitor.
