Decluttering

As I once again revisit the emotional detritus of the past fifteen years, I've made a commitment to myself to publish many more documents and emails between Patty Grossman and her friends, her mother (Carol Z. Klein), and her niece -- my adopted daughter -- Rachel.

My previous post is the beginning of this renewed effort to declutter on to the world wide web, where it will remain in perpetuity (or close enough). Some of the materials will be posted on other blogs or websites, but eventually I'll make a comprehensive index to all of it -- and I will consider my emotional decluttering complete!

In the past few years, I’ve added a dear friend to my life. Kim and I have traveled together successfully, and shared a variety of personal and social times together. During one visit to Honolulu, Kim learned my story of what happened with Rachel. Kim, a field social worker and educator, looked at me and said “you are suffering from PTSD.” I hadn't thought of that, but it made sense. My emotional being has suffered tremendously, with some scarring that is permanent.

Tonight I read this blog post. It’s not 100% applicable to me, but I could easily modify it so that it tells my specific story:

HOW AN ADOPTIVE MOM BECOMES THE NURTURING ENEMY

(similar sites here and here)

In fact, I intend to modify it to reflect what happened in our family. Then I will share my version with the original authors.

Last year, our friend Greg suggested that I might be happier if I destroy all the evidence I collected for seven years, evidence that unambiguously documents precisely how evil and ill-intended Patty Grossman's actions and intentions were (and undoubtedly, still are). My response to him, with which he concurred, was that if I destroy the emails and other evidence nobody would believe me. How could anyone behave so abysmally, intent on destroying family? It’s inconceivable to my friends and family, and to all well-intended people!

For two nights, I haven’t slept well, and last night I sat up, turned on lights, and wrote down these words. Now, I know what to do.