Typical Aunt Patty

From: Kitty M

To: Patty Grossman
Subject:    Re: Hiya
Date:    Nov 25, 2005 12:41 PM


on 11/25/05 12:39 PM, Patricia Grossman wrote:
>
> Pretty rough over this way. Exhausting day, mostly emotionally. H's family
> and their guests were fun for us, but of course not easy for poor
> Rachel who didn't know anyone. She was polite but also fell glum. A little
> better behavior would've been appreciated, but I think it was really rough for her
> and hopefully everyone cut her slack. She started crying on the train on the way
> there and I finally got it out of her that she was afraid to have a family and
> that her mother would turn her children against her.
>
> Then when we got home and went over some old family pictures it got
> worse.  Lots of crying and professions of utter despair and Helene and I did
> the best we could to help her balance between the bleak reality of her family
> situation and giving her honest hopes for her future. The whole time she was
> clinging to a picture of her dad holding her as a baby. She so loves him and
> told us she likes it when he teases her and calls her "asswipe" (As in don't
> be an asswipe), because then he's treating her as an equal and showing his
> brand of affection. She had no idea there was anything insufficient about
> this. (I didn't take too heavy an approach of telling her it was hardly ideal because
> if I totally undermine his ultra-pathetic - to put it mildly - means of relating to
> her she will have zero.) And of course she railed about Carol and her fear of the
> "the next attack." And how obsessed Carol is by me and what vile things she
> says. (I didn't ask what, natch.) She can't go home for Xmas because she
> doesn't want to risk it.

Oh this all sounds so sad!  That poor girl.  Carol just sounds like a
monster--she is so cruel to be doing this to Rachel.  That took real self
control not to ask what was said about you.  And of course it doesn't
matter. The source is poisoned beyond repair. Where will she go for Xmas?
>
> Helene and I went to bed exhausted and heartbroken.

Of course you were...How could you not be? How are things today? What did
you do, either with or without her?
>
> That's the perky news from this end. Surely yours is better! Thank
> you for your cyber-ear.

ANY time...

xoxoxoxox
>
> xxo
>
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Patty: even more odious than she appears to be!

From: KM
To: Patty Grossman
Subject:    Re: Hiya
Date:    Nov 25, 2005 4:23 PM


on 11/25/05 8:48 PM, Patricia Grossman wrote:
>
> She says she just wants to work in Ann Arbor and make money for Xmas. I told her
> she should go down to N.C. and see my mother for a couple of days and
> that H. and I would be there right after Xmas. But hopefully she'll
> end up going home with one of her friends.

That might be best.  Will your brother wonder why she isn't coming home?

> This morning I went over her short story with her (she has to keep working on
> it to get into a creative writing "sub. con." (sub concentration). Her writing
> has an occasional spark, but mostly is just awful-all of it. I was encouraging but I keep
> telling her not to think of it as a living.  Then I let her go out and explore Manhattan
> on her own, armed with directions and a map. That worked out pretty well.
> When she came back H. and I took her to Tempo. (I thought of calling you to
> see if you'd drop by, but figured you'd be busy.)

That sounds nice. I probably would have come by.

> She told us Peter is no longer speaking to Greg, his best friend of many years. I said
> I wasn't that surprised. (He's a lawyer and when Peter and Carol were breaking up
> they were trying to get him to broker the financial arrangement--how stupid is
> THAT?) So then she said if he got rid of Greg and of me, it was just a matter of time
> before he got rid of her.
>
> I told her it would never happen, she was the only thing he was really proud
> of. But how do I know? If only she knew how not worth the effort he is. . . .

This just gets sadder and sadder.  Does he talk to her about you?  (Apart
from Carol's venom that is)  I so understand her worries about that. And as
not worth it as he is, he's still her father and that bond is hard to
shatter. Believe me, I'm one who knows all about continuing to love an
unworthy parent.

>
> She's leaving mid-day tomorrow. I'm embarrassed to admit what a relief that will be.
>
xoxoxo
>>>
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From: KM
To: Patty Grossman
Subject:    Re: Hiya
Date:    Nov 26, 2005 3:40 AM

on 11/25/05 11:17 PM, Patricia Grossman wrote:


> If he does, he's even more out of his mind than I thought.

But still, doesn't he miss her, want to see her?

This just gets sadder and sadder.  Does he talk to her about you?

>No, I haven't talked to him in over two years, remember?

Of course I remember. I just wondered if he—apart from Carol—ever
spoke about you Rachel.
> I know, I know, but for the few minutes I was writing this I forgot!! What
> a narcissistic asshole! I'm sorry.

You are not a narcissistic asshole and never will be.  :-)  I know you
didn't forget, it's just that you are so—understandably—worried about
her, about the effect his rejection will ultimately have.

> I can't help but hope it doesn't turn out the same way--especially because she essentially
> has no mother. So she might not turn out as well as you did.

But she had you and Helene.  And it seems that given all that's
happened, she's turning out pretty well, don't you think?

[I must interject here to reflect the irony that Patty and Helene were never part of Rachel’s life until she was seventeen years old. Before that, Helene spent no more than ten days (over seventeen years) with Rachel, and Patty spent no more than twenty days with Rachel -- over the course of seventeen years! There is one and only one person who can be given credit for how “she’s turning out pretty well, don’t you think?” That person is me.]

> xoxoxo

xoxoxo