Mean Spirited

Sorting through old photos, I found one in which this art by Patty Grossman is hanging on a wall. This abstract work hung in our homes in California along with a quadriptych that Patty gave to Rachel. I haven't spotted that grouping of quasi-psychedelic, playful quadrants in any photos yet, but will add an image of it to this post if I do.

I valued the works; Peter's sister had produced them and given them to us (well, actually, this one to Peter and the quadriptych to Rachel ... but that constituted "us" in my mind). The colors factored into home decorating schemes, so that the paintings could be on display, and I pointed them out to visitors as works by Rachel's aunt -- just as I occasionally reminded Rachel that I truly admired Patty's efforts to make it as an artist and writer in New York City. 

Yesterday, when I spotted this painting in the background of a photo, I reacted viscerally as I relived an oddly enjoyable experience. In 2004, when I was packing up our San Carlos house before moving to Hawaii, I tried to give the paintings to Rachel. She had no interest. As a collector, I couldn't fathom it, especially since they were gifts from the artist, who also happened to be Rachel's only biological aunt. I asked if she wanted us to save them for her. She had no interest. Peter had already made clear that he didn't want them moved to Hawaii; he'd never cared for them, and any need for pretense on his part no longer existed.

A year and a half earlier, by late 2002, our family relations had been strained by Patty's insidious and overt attempts to alienate Rachel from her parents, particularly me. And just  a year earlier, on the 24th of July in 2003, our family was nearly shattered by the escalation of her alienation efforts. I thought about her direct words, her insinuations, and her actual plots with respect to Rachel.

While contemplating, I removed each painting from its frame. Each work used thick paper that was imbued with layers of chalk, ink, paint, perhaps other media -- adding surprising weight to each piece. I considered each for a bit as the pastels rubbed off onto my hands, and wondered at the evil twin who continues to struggle to create art. I spoke aloud, as when I "clear" a space, deleting Patty from our family and banishing her destructive energies. Then, one at a time, I methodically tore each of the five works into 2 inch wide strips and added them to the trash.

After washing my hands, I returned to the room with burning sage to smudge (clear) Patty's negative energies.

Normally, the idea of desecrating or destroying somebody's work of art would be horrifying and unthinkable to me.

However, in this case, it was and is a most gratifying expression of how I feel about Peter's sister. It is even more satisfying to discover a reminder of a forgotten moment serendipitously, to recall that solemn and tactile experience, and to write about it publicly!

 

Speculating and Solving

On a fine afternoon in Amsterdam ...

esoteric idea exchanges ... photo by LJ

I always have so much fun hanging out with L&R, brainstorming and learning. To have such fine friends is a great gift and honor.

Not Forgiving

Against all common advice and "spiritual wisdom," I've reached this conclusion:

When someone's actions are genuinely offensive and immoral, and the perpetrator neither shows remorse nor makes any effort to change, not forgiving is a moral and honest choice -- especially if hurt and anger are no longer present.

My favorite prayer

From the past, let me learn,
     for the present let me live,
          and for the future, let me strive.
May today be the holy benefactor of tomorrow.

-- Mary Magdalen

Westward, to the East

Since early 2012, our focus has turned to Asia. Over the year, we visited Viet Nam, Japan, Hong Kong, China (PRC), and Macau ... plus Guam, if it counts as part of Asia. Our circle of colleagues and friends has expanded to include a diverse  group of very smart, interesting, highly motivated people from around the globe.

Unexpectedly, I've become a great admirer of China!

©2013 by Carol Porter, taken inside A-Ma Temple, Macau

If I were beginning my career now, I would find work in China for at least a few years. Soon China will have more English speakers than the US, so English speakers can manage while they learn to speak Mandarin. Heck, I might even consider moving to China at this time, if we weren't already starting to live part of each year in Amsterdam!

But we will visit China every year, from now on. Perhaps multiple times each year. :-)

On the agenda

Once again, I'm managing a complicated schedule that includes a challenging consulting gig, hosting many guests, relaxing when possible, home and garden projects, plus quite a bit of travel. I've just returned from my annual "girlfriend holiday" in Amsterdam and Cordoba. It's taken nearly a week to recover from the lack of sleep ... but we had a warm, enjoyable, fun time together. I really cherish this vacation time with my great pals. By now, I feel at home, truly comfortable and confident, in Amsterdam and Cordoba, which makes return visits even more enjoyable.

Bebidas refrescantes y tapas in Posada del Potro, after an enchanting flamenco guitar performance.

At the moment, we're hosting some regular guests, J&A plus their two lovely children, ages 3 and 10 months. After they depart on Tuesday, I need to dig in and clear the clutter before housekeepers arrive to spiff up the house again. During the 24 days I was in Europe, Peter endured brutal, relentless, constant windstorms at home. Although he closed up the house, there is a layer of lava grit covering everything. Next Thursday, J&L from southern California will arrive for a few days. Of all the future guests on our calendar, the most happily anticipated is my beloved nephew, M, who will visit with his new fiancée J. I've loved that boy so deeply his entire life, and have lost regular contact as he's grown up and built his independent life. Can't wait to hug him and spend time with him!

I'm already thinking about my next major trip, which will take place after Labor Day, with Caroline. We  had to cancel our trip to Turkey last year, so may try to go there again. I hope we'll spend a few days in London, regardless of ultimate destination. London has become "our city;" we really know our way around, and feel comfortable pretending we live there.

Although I describe myself as "a dedicated follower of fashion," at home I live in shorts, tank tops and Orthaheel "slippahs" (in many colorways, of course). Because fashion is my passion (well, one of them, since I was a little girl), I'd enjoy visiting this portrait exhibit featuring the costumes of the British monarchs and courts during the Tudor and Stuart periods. Also, after several years in renovation, the fashion exhibits at the V&A have re-opened, so that is a definite plan. If there's enough time, we could take the train west to Bath, to visit its Fashion Museum's "Fifty Fabulous Frocks" special exhibit. She and I thoroughly enjoyed the time spent at this museum during our 2011 visit to Bath.

Trying on a corset and hoopskirt at Bath's Fashion Museum

An unrelated destination, Bletchley Park, will wait until another trip to the U.K.

The Eusocial Caste

"Eusociality, where some individuals reduce their own reproductive potential to raise others' offspring, is what underpins the most advanced form of social organization and the dominance of social insects and humans." 
  --   E. O. Wilson

This statement is from an article that Rachel linked in her profile. I was fascinated by the sentence; it offered me a surprising perspective. It was not the point of the article, but since I read everything from Rachel with attention to detail, I saw relevance in this sentence. The article, separately from all this, was also relevant. It discussed the social evolution of altruism.

But it was the quote from E. O. Wilson that struck me. As a young woman, I reduced my reproductive potential by choice (to help save the planet). I found another's offspring in peril, and I raised her in challenging circumstances, with love, hands on care and healing, and lots of hard work. What I just read informs me that I'm highly evolved!

I guess I already knew that.

In a couple months, Peter and I will be very social in the EU! ;-)

The Upshot

My family was emotionally sabotaged by Peter's mother and sister; their antagonistic words and actions persisted for many years after Peter asked them to stop. Despite claims of innocence, they continued to vigorously pursue their insidious efforts to alienate our daughter. So when I saw this "no fatties allowed" image today, you can imagine what I thought I saw! I modified it to reflect how I really feel:

Peter's mother is failing, and it is unfortunate that the family is broken. We're all sad that there is no apparent resolution to the problem. But it was her choice, and her actions that led the effort to cast me out. Neither Patty, nor Carol, feels any remorse. They can't conceive that they've acted horrendously to hurt our family as they have. There is no possibility of actualized love in either of those creatures (monsters). Normally, I would pity them, but they are unworthy of sympathy or mercy, and beneath contempt.

Twelve

It's 2012, and I have reached my fifth Dragon year. 2012 is the second Water Dragon year of my life; the first is my birth year, 1952. Over the past months, I've pondered my mortality and "what's important." It isn't easy to deny turning sixty, with its inevitable progression. Although, I won't experience a third Water Dragon year, I've determined that each twelve year cycle is important for me. I must celebrate each dragon year, including this one, by reflecting on lessons learned and pleasurable experiences of the past twelve years, then planning the coming twelve years. I will review each twelve month period in a similar fashion.

U.S. Forever Postage Stamp commemorating this Lunar New Year

Age twelve was a year of officially accepting responsibility, and becoming an adult in the Roman Catholic Church. I was confirmed at age twelve. Slapped quite harshly by Archbishop Dearden, my face flamed for several hours. Aunt Sharon, my confirmation sponsor, was quite upset about it, and still remarks on it when I see her! I'm sure that's why I mention it, because I expected to "stand as an adult" during the ceremony, and knew I'd be slapped — although normally it is a symbolic tap on the cheek. Perhaps the Archbishop recognized that I wasn't a real follower of the Church.

I will digress, and mention that age seven is the age of reason in the Catholic Church. When I was seven, in second grade, I was taught that Limbo -- the eternal home of pagans (unbaptized souls) -- was exactly like Heaven, except God isn't there. My reasoning brain could not resolve that matter of faith. I decided after that particular teaching (and after a year and a half of daily Religion classes), that I was no longer a Catholic. I knew that I had no choice in the matter, as my parents sent me to Catholic School, but I resolved that at age sixteen I could stop being a Catholic. I will say that the essential teachings of the Bible underlie my morals, and that if people actually followed the teachings of Jesus Christ, the world would be a much better place. But since age sixteen, after prolonged family drama which I endured quietly and steadfastly, I have no affiliation with organized religion.

At age 24, I became a financially independent woman. At age 36, a mother. At 48, a successful entrepeneur! 

There are twelve strings on guitars, twelve days of Christmas, twelve Apostles, twelve months of the year, 12-bar blues, twelve Olympians, twelve astrological signs -- western and eastern. Twelve seems to be an auspicious number, and I am pleased to celebrate my fifth twelve year cycle. I doubt that being a Water Dragon has anything to do with being a Water Bearer (Aquarius, an air sign), but I enjoy thinking of both as I embark on the new adventure of planning and living the final third of my life. I am grateful to have made it this far!

I love my friends and family -- received so many beautiful gifts, cards, communications, and unexpected phone calls, that I was nearly in tears of joy all day long!

I was deeply touched by this gift from Sheri -- here is a (distorted) image of the back cover of a lovely hard bound book of photos she's taken during our two trips around Hawaii Island and Kauai. She created it and sent it to me!

Travel continues to be part of my enjoyment of the world, in addition to my rather unbeatable daily life. In a few weeks, I'll join Leslie in Amsterdam, and we'll travel to Cordoba for eight days. The weather won't be warm, but I'll be able to wear clothes that I only can wear outside of Hawaii, or at high elevations here, so I don't mind. She and I will have an easy time hanging out in R's house in the Juderia,  and exploring ancient Spain together -- quite an excellent Water Dragon activity!

Holiday Nostalgia

I miss my mom every day, but my heart aches more acutely near her favorite holidays and birthday. Each year, Mom enjoyed making her family's Christmas a magical and loving tradition. Unlike her, I often lack motivation for such efforts -- at least during the holidays that Peter and I spend at home alone together. This year, a poinsettia plant is our sole visible homage to the season. But we're celebrating with friends, hosting meals and visiting others, making party rounds as usual. Our time together is kind, cozy, loving, and playful. We're also tackling home maintenance projects that we usually avoid.

This season, the family traditions will extend into January. On Thursday, we'll host our island family -- including my darling grand-cousins, their parents and grandparents, and my coffee farming cousins (plus their guests and extended ohana). For that, I think I'll quickly set up a pre-lit artificial tree that's in the garage. After celebrating New Year's Eve with fireworks at Mauna Kea Beach, I will have a couple days to prepare before flying to Oahu to take care of my great-nephew while his mom participates in a roller derby clinic. My nephew will join us there after five days, and then we all will head back to Hawaii island. Since this season's family celebrations are delayed, we'll celebrate more festively when we have children at home to inspire us!

Thinking of Shirley

We learned yesterday that Grandma Shirley passed away. For nearly twenty years, Shirley and I stayed in touch so that I could give her news of her grand-daughter.

Shirley was a simple, straightforward woman, who never understood how Lee could abandon Rachel, and mourned the lack of a closer connection with her beloved only grandchild. Aware of her love for my step-daughter, I attempted to promote their bond. Despite Peter's general indifference, he supported my efforts -- unlike his sister and mother who actively tried to prevent them. I felt that it was essential for Rachel to know everyone who loved her, so I contacted Shirley by phone about six times a year when Rach was a child, sent photos, and visited her with Rachel whenever we traveled on the East Coast.

When Rachel was about eleven, and we felt that she was able to travel alone (as an unaccompanied minor, for extra fees so that the airline took care of her while she travelled), we contacted her Aunt Patty to see if Rachel could visit her. On my side of the family, Rachel's aunts and uncles (including my siblings, their spouses, and several of my first cousins) enthusiastically encouraged and welcomed Rachel's visits, so I foolishly assumed that her biological aunt would feel the same. After all, Rachel was the only child in her family!

Despite the effort and expense of a cross-country flight, Patty was willing to take Rachel for only two days, puzzling me and insulting Peter. I prevailed on him to ask for one extra day with Patty because I wanted Patty to take Rach to stay with Shirley for three or four days. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that Patty would refuse. Peter's mother got involved in our plans, supporting Patty's refusal. She asserted that there was no reason or need for Rachel to visit Shirley. Although I didn't engage in the discussions with Peter's sister, I did try to convince Peter's mom. I asked her how she would feel if the situation were reversed -- if Lee had custody and saw no reason for her to maintain a relationship with her only grandchild. Lack of empathy, and poor judgment about Rachel's best interests, were the only substantive responses from either Patty or Nanny. Peter's negotiations with his twin sister became more heated, and Patty finally agreed to relent if we would release her from any liability! She sent a legal document that Peter had to sign in front of a notary, and then reluctantly agreed to our wishes that she take Rachel to Shirley. Living in Park Slope, Brooklyn, Patty was inconvenienced having to deliver Rachel to and from the Grand Street projects in lower Manhattan, where Shirley lived.

Rachel enjoyed a loving and memorable visit with Grandma Shirley.

An earlier visit with Grandma Shirley, when Rachel was three years old.

We never again asked Patty to host a visit from Rachel once it was clear that she didn't want to be bothered. On subsequent visits to NY, we didn't even contact Patty. Peter already held bitter feelings about his sister's inhospitable behavior from an earlier one night visit.

Naively, I continued to assume that my daughter's only biological aunt would behave in a warm, familial manner concerning her niece. But that behavior didn't begin until the end of Rachel's high school years, when Patty began to pay attention and pretend to care for Rachel for the purpose of eliminating me from Rachel's life. Based on their attitude about Shirley, I should have foreseen that Patty and Nanny would try to claim Rachel and remove me as soon as she was grown. I had served my purpose as caretaker. Neither love for Rachel, nor concern for her emotional fragility could stop them. They still work to undermine our family, even with Nanny's dementia.

Of course, I have been hurt by their destructive, narcissistic actions. But the true, profoundly unfortunate victim has been Rachel. It is widely known that encouraging parental alienation damages the children involved, but our situation was exacerbated because our child had been abandoned by her birth mother (then later, at age nine, by Peter's mom when she abruptly moved away over an imagined insult from Rachel). It took years of loving work with Rachel to help her to develop emotional trust. This was viciously destroyed by Patty and Nanny in their misguided, self-glorifying attempts to "save" Rachel from the harm that they tried to convince her that I wished to inflict. Such a pity for all involved.

This was never the case with Grandma Shirley. She always expressed her heartfelt gratitude that I had stepped in to care for Rachel. She gave me little presents with thank-you notes, and entrusted me with gifts for Rachel, including a garter she'd saved from her bridal business that is for Rachel's wedding. It will be a joyful tribute to Shirley when Rachel wears it at her nuptials. Shirley will always remain in our memories as the kind and loving Grandmother that she was, and she will be specially honored on the future day that Rachel is married.

Rest in peace, Shirley.

Renewing and Forging Bonds

The year 2011 has provided many rewarding moments with family and friends. In the winter and early spring months, we hosted quite a few distant guests from university and professional associations, along with Rachel, other family members, and regularly visiting pals.

When visitor season ended, I departed for a long planned trip to England with my pal Caroline. She and I spent four nights in London -- and walked many miles through the city -- then took a train to Bath where we stayed another four nights. After two days touring on foot in Bath, we rented a car to explore the Cotswolds, the Salisbury Plain, and the areas surrounding Bath as well as much of Cornwall. I drove over 700 kilometers that week. Caroline wanted to visit some of the sites from my 2006 pilgrimage, so I arranged access inside the stone circle at Stonehenge; we also spent time among the stones at Avebury, and in quite a few cathedrals. En route to Cornwall we detoured to spend about five hours in Glastonbury and climbed the Tor.

Carol and Caroline, in front of the Merlin Stone at Avebury

While in Bath, we frequented an Indian restaurant near our hotel -- and virtually the only restaurant that served food after 9 pm -- often enough that one of the servers became overly sentimental on our last night. It was surreal that the young Bangladeshi man was nearly weeping, but I assured him that I'd eaten there on an earlier visit, and would again when I return. We were building bonds even as tourist customers! Once in Cornwall, we stayed in a grand railroad hotel overlooking Fistral Beach for another three nights before driving back to Bath, dropping the car at Hertz, and taking a train back to London to fly home the next day.

After my return on May 26, it was time to prepare for a three week journey with Peter beginning June 8. While in Las Vegas for a ten days, I enjoyed seventh row center seats at the Paul McCartney concert (sitting close to Yoko and Sean Lennon, Olivia Harrison, George Martin, and Nancy Shevell with her son). Peter and I explored some of the region not too far from Las Vegas (Hoover Dam, Boulder City), but didn't drive to the Grand Canyon as planned, due to forest fires. For one day, Peter indulged me and we walked for miles along the strip to shop at high end designer boutiques in various casinos. We both loved this whisper light scarf from Alexander McQueen, so Peter bought it for our anniversary. Another day, we enjoyed a serendipitous rendezvous with Sheri, who was staying nearby for a professional conference. In addition to lunch and a few hours at the pool, Sheri spent quite a bit of time with us in the AllSaints boutique, discovering their unique, well-made, beautiful clothing for men and women, all very pricey.

After Peter "got his Vegas fix," we drove north through rural Nevada's vast desert (including Area 51 and Yucca Mountain) to my sister's home in the Carson Valley surrounded by the High Sierra. Peter and I were eager to meet and create new bonds with Madeline, our great-niece, during a week of celebrating her first birthday in and around Lake Tahoe. The venue was a partial family reunion, hosted by my sister Jill, and my brother Jim in Zephyr Cove, where we stayed. Maddy's parents, Amy and my nephew Kevin, were in from Arizona, and niece Shannon showed up from time to time. Extended family showed up for the birthday party, and it was great to see some of Jill's in-laws and old friends from Michigan again.

View of the lake from our bed at Jim's house

My nephew Adam also stayed at Jim's with his partner Melisa and their two year old son, Myles -- our great-nephew. We've had the opportunity to bond with Myles quite a few times in Hawaii, California, and Nevada, and it was delightful to spend time with him alone and with the entire family group again.

After a week in Tahoe, Peter and I flew to Cancun, then were shuttled down to Tulum where we stayed for three nights, exploring the town, its beaches, and nearby Mayan ruins. We stayed in a comfortable, clean, very simple inn in the pueblo itself. The contrast with our next destination, the Banyan Tree Mayakoba, was remarkable! There, Peter's friend Chuck hosted a sixtieth birthday bash for himself, and paid for about forty friends and a couple dozen family members to join him. We each had a private walled villa with our own swimming pool and outdoor covered bedroom, along with the fabulous indoor/outdoor suite. Zen and intimacy -- such luxury! Our four and five star resorts in Hawaii are put to shame by the Banyan Tree.

The best part, of course, was reuniting with old friends. Peter's childhood pals were there, along with quite a few from university days and business transactions. The shared gratitude was palpable: everyone appreciated coming together to celebrate with old friends. It was a genuinely sentimental gathering in a sensuous and luxurious setting.

Peter and I returned home on June 26th for a slight reprieve -- including Fourth of July fireworks at my favorite spot on the planet, Mauna Kea Beach.

On July 7, I departed for San Francisco, and the coastline north of Half Moon Bay, to attend another celebration -- this time for my best friend, Leslie. Leslie has moved to Amsterdam to live with her man. She kept her home at the coast, and her son is living there with his new wife. She and Reinier hosted a bash at a nearby hotel for about eighty friends and family -- to introduce Reinier to those who don't know him, to celebrate their love, additionally to celebrate her son's marriage a year earlier in Milan. Peter didn't want to travel so soon, but I was delighted to join a gathering of old friends and ohana. I am very close to Leslie's entire family, and spent enjoyable individual time with her extended family. Another warm event, filled with love.

Leslie, with her beautiful, new Dutch family.

On the 13th, I flew to JFK and was greeted by a double rainbow as soon as I got into the shuttle that would take me to the upper east side of Manhattan. There, I stayed for a week with our friend Margery and spent the time walking around Manhattan enjoying New York (fortunately there was a break in the oppressive weather) and renewing bonds with my friend Ayna, with whom I first connected during my 2006 pilgrimage in England. Also spent some time with Allison, daughter of my "best friend boy cousin" Russ. My primary reason for going to New York was to see the Alexander McQueen exhibit at the Met, and since Margery lives around the corner, that was very easy and leisurely -- and amazing! We also saw a couple of theatre productions, and on Bastille Day, we walked down to Lincoln Center to join the dancers at Midsummer Night's Swing. Saw a couple movies as well, ate wonderful food, and met several terrific women friends of Margery.

Now I've been home since July 20th, and must pack today for our next adventure. Peter and I are off to Kennebunkport for the wedding of our friends' daughter. This will be another reunion with the Cancun crowd (to be followed by an October reunion of eight of the guys and a few wives in Hawaii for the eleventh annual Belvoir Cup golf outing). Since we'll be on the east coast, I will take the opportunity to continue east to Amsterdam to spend a week with Leslie and Reinier, and meet more of Reinier's family and friends. From there, I will fly to East London, South Africa for nine days with good friends from Hawaii (who've moved there for work). We will go inland to camp for three days at Addo Elephant Park, and after we return, Susan and I will go on to the wine country outside of Cape Town, then two nights and nearly three days in Cape Town. Whew!

Departing Cape Town, I'll head to London for three days and nights, and will re-connect with Annie there. Also with Jonathan, no doubt. I've booked a tour of Buckingham Palace, and afternoon tea, and need to flesh out plans for the rest of my time (theatre, museums, ethnic food, shopping). But for now, I only have a couple days left at home and must pack for all the different events and climates!

A very good year, indeed! As soon as I return, visitors will begin to arrive for the winter season. Peter and I are very excited to host former employees of whom we're very fond, regular buddies, and family. I am so pleased with the content and rhythm of our lives, alternating travel with entertaining -- and continually connecting with those we love. What could be better?

Fifty-nine

Yikes! I can't believe that I officially am one year away from age sixty. No comprendo.

However, it was a fantastic birthday week. Three small parties were thrown to celebrate: one chez Tom and Caroline, another at Susan and Tom K's, and the third after Peter's tennis game on Monday at the seaside courts. On top of that, Ricky and Judy came for the week from San Diego, and we all trekked to Kona for dinner on Saturday (actual birthday) at La Bourgogne. Andrew also joined us. Unfortunately, it was our first disappointing meal there; we've dined there a few times each year since 2004. Two nights earlier, Andrew cooked a birthday feast to which we invited a few people. For the past ten days, I've been quite pampered. I am honored to have such caring and fabulous friends and family.

My favorite birthday card is from my first girl friend in Hawaii, Caroline:


I splurged on myself this year, and bought a dark brown leather De Manta clutch and a Gold Angels shawl from Alexander McQueen's final collection (on sale, of course). The shape of the clutch evokes that of the local manta rays; it's very special. Each is gorgeous, unique, and timeless -- and will be fun to wear during my upcoming trip to England and Cornwall with Caroline.

I received several thoughtful gifts from my friends, and Rachel sent me a book of poetry by Yehuda Amichai (for whom she named her Ukrainian cat). Peter's gifts included bath gel, gift cards, and -- best of all -- hiring a huge earth moving excavator to clear and level land on the lower slope makai (towards the ocean), in front of our lawn. Since 2006, I've envisioned creating a labyrinth there, and a bocce ball court adjacent to it. It may be five more years until they are installed, but the essential first step is complete.

Before:


After:


As we approach the Year of the Hare (or Rabbit), and Peter's sixtieth, I have to say that life is better than ever!

Gung Hay Fat Choy!

Seven Year Cycle

Various theories in several disciplines -- from scientific to esoteric -- subscribe to a view that our bodies and our "life experiences" undergo radical change every seven years.

Although I have not studied seven year patterns in my own life prior to this, I know that a devastating seven year cycle has come to an end. Hallelujah! There's actual joy and reason to celebrate this holiday season. The winter solstice promises a red full moon as part of tonight's lunar eclipse -- a significant and beneficial omen.

Hatred and divisiveness that were promulgated by Peter's sister and mother are part of a different universe now, never more to hurt our family. Nothing that they can do or say will affect us.

Peter, Rachel, and I have shared the transcripts of the past seven years, have reached a common understanding, and have renewed our family bond.

It's unfortunate that the malignant narcissists had to be jettisoned -- but they brought their fates upon themselves. Fortunately, I've made some of the finest friends of my life during the past seven years -- including Sheri, whose path crossed mine in 2006, and with whom I'll be connected always. As well, Peter and I have developed new "family" in Hawaii, and these cherished friends provide a true, loving ohana that enriches our lives more than Carol Klein or Patty Grossman ever could have done.

Here is a snap of Sheri, Rachel, and me at breakfast the morning after the Rally to Restore Sanity:

Love Day

July 1, 2010 is our day to celebrate love.

Need inspiration? Try reading some of Rumi’s work.

2010 will be a great year

It's spring in Hawaii -- lots of baby birds, flowers, and budding fruit around the property. I can tell that this year will be a good one!

Anna Akhmatova

Unfortunately, we didn't have time to visit the Akhmatova Museum, but her portrait at the Russian Museum is haunting.


Can you relate?

There's a secret border in human closeness,
that love's being, love's passion, cannot pass --
though lips are sealed together in sacred silence,
though hearts break in two with love's distress.

And friendship too is powerless,
and years of sublime flame-filled ecstasy
when the soul itself is free, fights clear,
of the slow languor of sensuality.

Those who try to reach that boundary are mad,
and those who have -- are filled with anguish.
Now you know, now you understand,
why my heart won't beat at your caress.

Reflecting

It's June -- where has the year gone?

I will continue to listen to my inner wisdom. I will continue to identify mistakes I have made. I will continue to learn and grow. I will increase my physical strength and agility, made easier because I now have almost perfect vision for the first time in my life! I will apply the advice that I used to give Rachel (perhaps too often), "we become what we practice," and will play bridge more often and with greater attention.

note: this photo of Puki at the edge of our pool was taken in March by my friend Sheri Kowalski. Seems like only yesterday ... ;-)

Today is Parental Alienation Awareness Day

Many countries, including the United States (and, individually, many of its states), are working to raise awareness of, and to prevent, parental alienation syndrome. They've designated April 25 as the annual day to educate ourselves to prevent this destructive behavior that some adults** choose to perpetrate against children.

Check out A Family's Heartbreak to learn more.

** I know of two; they are identified in earlier posts. Here's the most hateful of the two.

Yule Tide Cheer

The winter solstice, the festival of lights, and Christmas all come together each year to encourage us with symbolic renewal -- the birthday of the unconquered sun, the oil that sustained itself and continued burning until it could be replaced, the birth of the immortal son.



It's a natural time to celebrate warmly with friends and family, in the aloha spirit.

Links: Plants of the Winter Solstice
Photo of the Newgrange, Ireland Solstice