Today’s horoscope seems highly accurate and insightful!

from https://www.astro.com/

Personal Daily Horoscope of Saturday, 6 March 2021

for me

***

Concentrating energy

Valid during many months: This influence can bring both fulfillment and difficulty. Roughly fourteen years ago you went through a period of adversity and low vitality. But at the same time you made new beginnings, which are having results now. These efforts will either reach a climax and be successful, or you will realize that they have failed. In any case this is a time of tremendous responsibility and hard work, either to guarantee the successful conclusion of your old projects and endeavors or to salvage the best from the failures.

In those areas of your life that you have handled successfully - in your public life, your domestic life, or whatever - the responsibility of bringing your activities to a successful climax will limit your freedom of movement. Even if you know that events are turning out as you want, you may feel restless under the burdens. Try to be patient and concentrate wholly upon the tasks at hand.

Do not take on any new projects at this time that are not directly connected to what you are already doing. The additional responsibility could be too much for you and could cause health problems, especially with your heart and circulatory system. When you have successfully completed all your current projects, you may start new ones. This is a time of perseverance, hard work and heavy responsibility.

Those areas of your life that have not worked out as expected should not be regarded as complete failures. Several years ago when you embarked on these projects, you may not have understood as much as you understand now. This influence will make you aware of this fact. Don't start out on a new course until you have cleared up whatever has not worked out.

During this time you may feel cut off from others and lonely, but do not be too concerned about this. Even if this influence coincides with the breaking up of a relationship, which it may, it means that the relationship itself is distracting you from matters that you must attend to now. This is a time for concentrating energy, not scattering it.

The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Saturn conjunction Sun, activity period from 26 February 2021 until mid-December 2021

Here is a photo of my succulent garden from fourteen years ago. One of my projects is to restore it.

Thirty-five

On this day in 1987, we celebrated Rachel’s second birthday. Several months earlier, I had made a commitment to transform my life and responsibilities so that I could help Peter take care of her.

I was 35 years old that year. I embarked on an unforeseen detour in my life so that I could try to save an abandoned and neglected little girl.

Now it’s too late to second guess that unfortunate decision. I saved Rachel, only to be abused, betrayed, and derided for it.

I'm grateful that I was able to take responsibility for raising Rachel, suffer through her malignant mendacity, survive that devastating experience, and rebuild a good and loving life.

Ho‘oponopono

A trifecta of omnipresent fears underlies and affects every one of Rachel’s interactions:

• Rejection
• Infantile Helplessness
• Intimacy

I tried to help. For fifteen years, attachment issues ceased to be a factor. 

Then came Aunt Patty and Nanny, “aided” by Helene. The Trauma-Inciting Triplets — another trifecta that brilliantly ignited Rachel’s deepest early issues. 

It’s remarkable that she is a highly functioning adult while coexisting with utter cognitive dissonance. Her intelligence is remarkable.

I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
  

Trying to “Get Even”

In 2015, on Rachel’s 30th birthday, I sent her an email. I copied her boyfriend, because I was certain that he — like Billy and family, like Roman, like college friends, like Perry — had heard Rachel’s tales of abuse by her selfish, mentally ill stepmother. I don't know if either of them read that email, but I intended that the absolute blow of my words would prove as lethal to Rachel as her betrayals and lies had felt to me. I hope that she did read it, so that she might be able to  understand — at a visceral level — what she had done to me.

Before I was reduced to taking this hurtful approach, I had worked for years to survive the pain and despair that she caused by telling hateful lies about me.

Attempts at reconciliation and forgiveness were terminated by me in 2013, after I discovered she continued to fabricate tales of horror and woe about me, despite our agreement that she would stop the lying and we would try to restore a semblance of our “pre- Aunt Patty” relationship. I know with certainty that I tried to forgive and forget; I spent ten years devoted to that. I believe that Rachel was so damaged psychologically from the parental alienation campaign by her aunt that it awakened her nearly dormant Reactive Attachment Disorder. Although I knew that her illness compelled her to act badly towards me, I also knew that I had ensured that Rachel could survive and function at high levels in the world. I was angry that she allowed her infantile rage (from early neglect and abandonment by her birth mother) to overcome her intellect (that certainly could remember that she and I had shared a very close bond and a loving, trusting relationship during her childhood). 

To end my own misery, I made a plan to abandon attempts at peace and to join her war by attacking Rachel in the same ways that she had been attacking me. My goal was to do this in a manner that would counter and terminate her lies, attention-seeking behaviors, and imaginary “blow-ups” with me once and for all. The price was steep: zero chance of reconciliation. Muting my ten years of pain was worth the price.

Of course it did not work. Nothing works. 

Here is what I sent. I hope that these words of truth haunt her every single day, as the pain of her lies has permeated my life.

Ten lessons Rachel has learned by age 30

1) Telling big lies produces big results. The absolute falsehoods that you told about your “step-mother” (me, your mother -- in practice and legal fact) resulted in you inheriting the money that was intended for your father. Intended by his father -- whose money it was. Granted, your vile Aunt Patty had a part in this, but you provided the specific lies that allowed her to influence your Nanny against your dad. That inheritance belongs to your father. You are immoral and evil to take one penny of it. It is for him; he is now denied money that he actually may need, and more importantly is denied one of the greatest pleasures of a parent: to have the money to help his child buy a house or accomplish other things that require money.

2) Immoral behavior and greed don't matter; there are no consequences for you.

3) Shattering the heart of your mother who devoted her life to your well-being is a positive action. Perhaps repeating such pleasurable activity will feel similarly fulfilling when you so deeply hurt your next target.

4) Publishing attention-seeking lies makes you feel good about yourself. Telling lies compulsively is an interesting and positive way of life.

5) Romanticizing imagined stories about biological family members makes them true.

6) Feelings of anger, hysteria, and panic are always the fault of your “step-mother.” Acting out against your “step-mother” when anybody upsets you is always the best course of action.

7) Continuing to engage in the perverse family triangle created and perpetuated by your father is mature adult behavior. Adopting his attitude of indifference to family is healthy.

8) Avoidance, dismissiveness, disdain, and denial are always the best way to handle emotional issues.

9) Trying to follow your “step-mother’s” career path will assuage and convince you that you've redeemed your inherently horrible self.

10) You can cause your “step-mother” to lower herself to your level at moments like this, as you've given her the gift of endless pain.

Decluttering

As I once again revisit the emotional detritus of the past fifteen years, I've made a commitment to myself to publish many more documents and emails between Patty Grossman and her friends, her mother (Carol Z. Klein), and her niece -- my adopted daughter -- Rachel.

My previous post is the beginning of this renewed effort to declutter on to the world wide web, where it will remain in perpetuity (or close enough). Some of the materials will be posted on other blogs or websites, but eventually I'll make a comprehensive index to all of it -- and I will consider my emotional decluttering complete!

In the past few years, I’ve added a dear friend to my life. Kim and I have traveled together successfully, and shared a variety of personal and social times together. During one visit to Honolulu, Kim learned my story of what happened with Rachel. Kim, a field social worker and educator, looked at me and said “you are suffering from PTSD.” I hadn't thought of that, but it made sense. My emotional being has suffered tremendously, with some scarring that is permanent.

Tonight I read this blog post. It’s not 100% applicable to me, but I could easily modify it so that it tells my specific story:

HOW AN ADOPTIVE MOM BECOMES THE NURTURING ENEMY

(similar sites here and here)

In fact, I intend to modify it to reflect what happened in our family. Then I will share my version with the original authors.

Last year, our friend Greg suggested that I might be happier if I destroy all the evidence I collected for seven years, evidence that unambiguously documents precisely how evil and ill-intended Patty Grossman's actions and intentions were (and undoubtedly, still are). My response to him, with which he concurred, was that if I destroy the emails and other evidence nobody would believe me. How could anyone behave so abysmally, intent on destroying family? It’s inconceivable to my friends and family, and to all well-intended people!

For two nights, I haven’t slept well, and last night I sat up, turned on lights, and wrote down these words. Now, I know what to do.

Typical Aunt Patty

From: Kitty M

To: Patty Grossman
Subject:    Re: Hiya
Date:    Nov 25, 2005 12:41 PM


on 11/25/05 12:39 PM, Patricia Grossman wrote:
>
> Pretty rough over this way. Exhausting day, mostly emotionally. H's family
> and their guests were fun for us, but of course not easy for poor
> Rachel who didn't know anyone. She was polite but also fell glum. A little
> better behavior would've been appreciated, but I think it was really rough for her
> and hopefully everyone cut her slack. She started crying on the train on the way
> there and I finally got it out of her that she was afraid to have a family and
> that her mother would turn her children against her.
>
> Then when we got home and went over some old family pictures it got
> worse.  Lots of crying and professions of utter despair and Helene and I did
> the best we could to help her balance between the bleak reality of her family
> situation and giving her honest hopes for her future. The whole time she was
> clinging to a picture of her dad holding her as a baby. She so loves him and
> told us she likes it when he teases her and calls her "asswipe" (As in don't
> be an asswipe), because then he's treating her as an equal and showing his
> brand of affection. She had no idea there was anything insufficient about
> this. (I didn't take too heavy an approach of telling her it was hardly ideal because
> if I totally undermine his ultra-pathetic - to put it mildly - means of relating to
> her she will have zero.) And of course she railed about Carol and her fear of the
> "the next attack." And how obsessed Carol is by me and what vile things she
> says. (I didn't ask what, natch.) She can't go home for Xmas because she
> doesn't want to risk it.

Oh this all sounds so sad!  That poor girl.  Carol just sounds like a
monster--she is so cruel to be doing this to Rachel.  That took real self
control not to ask what was said about you.  And of course it doesn't
matter. The source is poisoned beyond repair. Where will she go for Xmas?
>
> Helene and I went to bed exhausted and heartbroken.

Of course you were...How could you not be? How are things today? What did
you do, either with or without her?
>
> That's the perky news from this end. Surely yours is better! Thank
> you for your cyber-ear.

ANY time...

xoxoxoxox
>
> xxo
>
>>
>>

Patty: even more odious than she appears to be!

From: KM
To: Patty Grossman
Subject:    Re: Hiya
Date:    Nov 25, 2005 4:23 PM


on 11/25/05 8:48 PM, Patricia Grossman wrote:
>
> She says she just wants to work in Ann Arbor and make money for Xmas. I told her
> she should go down to N.C. and see my mother for a couple of days and
> that H. and I would be there right after Xmas. But hopefully she'll
> end up going home with one of her friends.

That might be best.  Will your brother wonder why she isn't coming home?

> This morning I went over her short story with her (she has to keep working on
> it to get into a creative writing "sub. con." (sub concentration). Her writing
> has an occasional spark, but mostly is just awful-all of it. I was encouraging but I keep
> telling her not to think of it as a living.  Then I let her go out and explore Manhattan
> on her own, armed with directions and a map. That worked out pretty well.
> When she came back H. and I took her to Tempo. (I thought of calling you to
> see if you'd drop by, but figured you'd be busy.)

That sounds nice. I probably would have come by.

> She told us Peter is no longer speaking to Greg, his best friend of many years. I said
> I wasn't that surprised. (He's a lawyer and when Peter and Carol were breaking up
> they were trying to get him to broker the financial arrangement--how stupid is
> THAT?) So then she said if he got rid of Greg and of me, it was just a matter of time
> before he got rid of her.
>
> I told her it would never happen, she was the only thing he was really proud
> of. But how do I know? If only she knew how not worth the effort he is. . . .

This just gets sadder and sadder.  Does he talk to her about you?  (Apart
from Carol's venom that is)  I so understand her worries about that. And as
not worth it as he is, he's still her father and that bond is hard to
shatter. Believe me, I'm one who knows all about continuing to love an
unworthy parent.

>
> She's leaving mid-day tomorrow. I'm embarrassed to admit what a relief that will be.
>
xoxoxo
>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>
>>


From: KM
To: Patty Grossman
Subject:    Re: Hiya
Date:    Nov 26, 2005 3:40 AM

on 11/25/05 11:17 PM, Patricia Grossman wrote:


> If he does, he's even more out of his mind than I thought.

But still, doesn't he miss her, want to see her?

This just gets sadder and sadder.  Does he talk to her about you?

>No, I haven't talked to him in over two years, remember?

Of course I remember. I just wondered if he—apart from Carol—ever
spoke about you Rachel.
> I know, I know, but for the few minutes I was writing this I forgot!! What
> a narcissistic asshole! I'm sorry.

You are not a narcissistic asshole and never will be.  :-)  I know you
didn't forget, it's just that you are so—understandably—worried about
her, about the effect his rejection will ultimately have.

> I can't help but hope it doesn't turn out the same way--especially because she essentially
> has no mother. So she might not turn out as well as you did.

But she had you and Helene.  And it seems that given all that's
happened, she's turning out pretty well, don't you think?

[I must interject here to reflect the irony that Patty and Helene were never part of Rachel’s life until she was seventeen years old. Before that, Helene spent no more than ten days (over seventeen years) with Rachel, and Patty spent no more than twenty days with Rachel -- over the course of seventeen years! There is one and only one person who can be given credit for how “she’s turning out pretty well, don’t you think?” That person is me.]

> xoxoxo

xoxoxo

Estranged & Broken Relationships

Is there a resolution for estranged and broken relationships?

Since late 2002, with a few breaks, I’ve lived with “invisible grief,” disenfranchised from conducting a normal family life. By “normal family life,” I do not mean an idealized life, just the usual up and down but decent family life.

It is difficult to explain my consuming and pervasive inner grief to friends, who’ve often met Rachel and gained a negative impression, and who assume that I can’t possibly love her as much as a biological mother could love her child. Peter is unable to discuss it at all; he will not involve himself. He and I have an agreement that Rachel is not mentioned between us. So I don’t share my grief. It has muted with time, as though Rachel died. I know that I will never have a relationship with her again.

Sadly, the daughter I raised with love and respect turned against me, and is unable to control the attention-seeking lies that she concocted with her Aunt Patty Grossman's encouragement and direct suggestions. Poor Rachel continues to embellish and share her stories. A victim of reactive attachment disorder, Rachel has been a compulsive liar since early childhood. She and I worked (with behind the scenes help from my therapist) to overcome the lying (and other RAD behaviors), but the “alienation-causing intervention” by Aunt Patty when Rachel was around age 17 explosively ignited all of Rachel’s early neglect, abandonment, and attachment issues.

I also can understand how easily, with such encouragement and actual suggestions from Aunt Patty, Rachel aimed her long-buried, pre-verbal rage at the only mother she knew.

Without hesitation, I can assert that Rachel and I developed a fully functional “heart-to-heart” connection that grew consistently from the time I appeared regularly in her life, when she was 18 months old, until the time I became her step-mother when she was 2 years 9 months old, and then far more solidly and securely from that point until her late teens. Rachel and I experienced predictable ups and downs during those teen years, and she long resented that I sent her to boarding school for grades 9 through 12 (once at university, though, she thanked me for it). During times of trouble, when she misbehaved, I made clear that I was angry about behavior, but that I would always love her no matter what. Despite the paucity of information about RAD until the late 1990s, my therapist did instill in me the importance of reminding Rachel that no matter how much she pushed me away I would never leave her, and that I always will love her no matter what.

I adopted Rachel shortly after she turned eighteen, as it hadn't been possible before then. Peter and Rachel had planned the adoption as a surprise Christmas gift for me, but Peter discovered that I was required to initiate the adult adoption. Concurrently, coinciding with Rachel’s eighteenth birthday, Peter’s family had escalated their alienation efforts with sharp focus against me. I will never understand why, because the person hurt even more than I is Rachel. The Grossman family is destroyed. Patty Grossman, her partner Helene Kendler, and Peter's mother Carol Z. Klein formed an alliance to separate me from Rachel and Peter. It didn't work with Peter, but poor Rachel is now saddled not only with reactive attachment disorder but also parental alienation from the one person who literally saved her. Perhaps it provides the makings of a new novel for Patty. Otherwise, I can't fathom the rationale. No matter what — even if I actually had been the monster they created in order to scare Rachel away — this isn't appropriate family interaction.  Parental Alienation is wrong. Normal family members would find loving ways to help a child deal with a monster parent.

I continue to “move on,” find joy, create loving bonds and enjoyable experiences, but I have lost my daughter. That grief is imbued in me.

Preparing to Begin

Ron Brezsny has an intriguing horoscope for me this week:

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Fate has transformed a part of your life that you didn't feel ready to have transformed. I won't offer my condolences, though, because I've guessed a secret that you don't know about yet. The mythic fact, as I see it, is that whatever you imagine you have had to let go of will ultimately come back to you in a revised and revivified form - - maybe sooner than you think. Endings and beginnings are weaving their mysteries together in unforeseen ways. Be receptive to enigmatic surprises.

from: FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning January 14
Copyright 2016 by Rob Brezsny
http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/

Not Forgiving, Part 2

Since my adopted daughter's reactive attachment disorder was rekindled in late 2002, provoked and reinforced by an extended campaign of insidious and malignant undermining by my toxic in-laws ("Aunt Patty" Grossman, "Nanny" Carol Z. Klein, and Helene Kendler), I continue to explore spiritual and psychological remedies to mitigate the resulting trauma. Alas, there really are none. Rachel's early patterns of compulsive lying to attract attention and elicit sympathy were reignited, and have blossomed with new force. Today, at age 28, those tendencies are reinforced by more sophisticated techniques and high drama that she's developed as an accomplished, intelligent and informed adult.

Presently, I'm reading Forgiving and Not Forgiving, by Jeanne Safer, Ph.D. Last night, about half way through the book, I read and highlighted this paragraph:

To be reunited with the one who has betrayed your trust, to hear a heartfelt confession and embrace again, is the longed-for culmination of forgiveness. This ideal reflects the fundamental human desire for attachment, vindication, and catharsis -- for evidence that at least sometimes virtue is rewarded and people see the light.

Then, today's article in The Atlantic underscored and illuminated poor Rachel's situation. I feel so sorry that I wasn't able to overcome her early neglect sufficiently to prevent her regression. Our close friend Bill Schuyler was the psychologist for Rachel's school district. He knew Rachel well, and assured me that I had entered her life early enough (at 18 months) to enable her emotional, interpersonal, and attachment abilities to develop. Unfortunately, though, her fragile self-esteem and psyche suffered collateral damage as a result of the in-laws' crusade. I certainly hope that at least that tragic consequence was unintended.

Admittedly, I've come to embrace the cynical adage that no good deed goes unpunished. I have no expectation that Rachel will ever confess to her lies and troublemaking. The double whammy (of reactive attachment disorder plus parental alienation) is pretty darn powerful. Comfortable in her familiar, highly dramatic, sympathy-seeking persona, I suspect that she'll continue her established patterns of avoidance and denial coupled with episodic meltdowns, and that her struggles to find happiness in herself or in a relationship will persist.

I still hope that I'll be proven wrong, but I've accepted that my role, which allowed her not only to survive but to thrive, has terminated. Unfortunately, the "thriving" part was jettisoned when Patty and Nanny established their alienation efforts. Fortunately, Rachel has adapted admirably, so she will survive, albeit without the comfort of interpersonal trust and attachment.

There is an undercurrent of permanent sadness that I expect to carry for the rest of my life. I overcome it through the fulfilling relationships that I experience daily with exceptional friends around the globe. Forgiveness? It's probably not in the cards.

Another Mother's Day

Ignoring the commercial aspects of Mother's Day -- and focusing on the underlying meaning only -- this day has been one of sadness since 2003, the year I lost my mother and my daughter.

I honored my mother even when we disagreed (not infrequently). Our love was untouchable and unconditional.

Each year before 2003, Rachel was ridiculed for any efforts to honor me on Mother's Day. Peter would mock the "Hallmark Holiday," while reminding Rachel that I was not actually her mother. So destructive to our family, and so deeply unfortunate.

But, prior to 2003, she did care about me and I have mementos to verify it. She overcame her father's goading, and let me know how she felt. Without these few items, I would doubt my memories of the love and closeness we shared between 1987 and 2003.

Honor thy father and thy mother.

Lesson for Aunt Patty

Your efforts succeeded to some degree. Everyone is hurt; primarily your only niece. Enjoy your moments of schadenfreude.

But love is not lost.

a little saffron finch told me ...

Mean Spirited

Sorting through old photos, I found one in which this art by Patty Grossman is hanging on a wall. This abstract work hung in our homes in California along with a quadriptych that Patty gave to Rachel. I haven't spotted that grouping of quasi-psychedelic, playful quadrants in any photos yet, but will add an image of it to this post if I do.

I valued the works; Peter's sister had produced them and given them to us (well, actually, this one to Peter and the quadriptych to Rachel ... but that constituted "us" in my mind). The colors factored into home decorating schemes, so that the paintings could be on display, and I pointed them out to visitors as works by Rachel's aunt -- just as I occasionally reminded Rachel that I truly admired Patty's efforts to make it as an artist and writer in New York City. 

Yesterday, when I spotted this painting in the background of a photo, I reacted viscerally as I relived an oddly enjoyable experience. In 2004, when I was packing up our San Carlos house before moving to Hawaii, I tried to give the paintings to Rachel. She had no interest. As a collector, I couldn't fathom it, especially since they were gifts from the artist, who also happened to be Rachel's only biological aunt. I asked if she wanted us to save them for her. She had no interest. Peter had already made clear that he didn't want them moved to Hawaii; he'd never cared for them, and any need for pretense on his part no longer existed.

A year and a half earlier, by late 2002, our family relations had been strained by Patty's insidious and overt attempts to alienate Rachel from her parents, particularly me. And just  a year earlier, on the 24th of July in 2003, our family was nearly shattered by the escalation of her alienation efforts. I thought about her direct words, her insinuations, and her actual plots with respect to Rachel.

While contemplating, I removed each painting from its frame. Each work used thick paper that was imbued with layers of chalk, ink, paint, perhaps other media -- adding surprising weight to each piece. I considered each for a bit as the pastels rubbed off onto my hands, and wondered at the evil twin who continues to struggle to create art. I spoke aloud, as when I "clear" a space, deleting Patty from our family and banishing her destructive energies. Then, one at a time, I methodically tore each of the five works into 2 inch wide strips and added them to the trash.

After washing my hands, I returned to the room with burning sage to smudge (clear) Patty's negative energies.

Normally, the idea of desecrating or destroying somebody's work of art would be horrifying and unthinkable to me.

However, in this case, it was and is a most gratifying expression of how I feel about Peter's sister. It is even more satisfying to discover a reminder of a forgotten moment serendipitously, to recall that solemn and tactile experience, and to write about it publicly!

 

Speculating and Solving

On a fine afternoon in Amsterdam ...

esoteric idea exchanges ... photo by LJ

I always have so much fun hanging out with L&R, brainstorming and learning. To have such fine friends is a great gift and honor.

Not Forgiving

Against all common advice and "spiritual wisdom," I've reached this conclusion:

When someone's actions are genuinely offensive and immoral, and the perpetrator neither shows remorse nor makes any effort to change, not forgiving is a moral and honest choice -- especially if hurt and anger are no longer present.

My favorite prayer

From the past, let me learn,
     for the present let me live,
          and for the future, let me strive.
May today be the holy benefactor of tomorrow.

-- Mary Magdalen

Westward, to the East

Since early 2012, our focus has turned to Asia. Over the year, we visited Viet Nam, Japan, Hong Kong, China (PRC), and Macau ... plus Guam, if it counts as part of Asia. Our circle of colleagues and friends has expanded to include a diverse  group of very smart, interesting, highly motivated people from around the globe.

Unexpectedly, I've become a great admirer of China!

©2013 by Carol Porter, taken inside A-Ma Temple, Macau

If I were beginning my career now, I would find work in China for at least a few years. Soon China will have more English speakers than the US, so English speakers can manage while they learn to speak Mandarin. Heck, I might even consider moving to China at this time, if we weren't already starting to live part of each year in Amsterdam!

But we will visit China every year, from now on. Perhaps multiple times each year. :-)

On the agenda

Once again, I'm managing a complicated schedule that includes a challenging consulting gig, hosting many guests, relaxing when possible, home and garden projects, plus quite a bit of travel. I've just returned from my annual "girlfriend holiday" in Amsterdam and Cordoba. It's taken nearly a week to recover from the lack of sleep ... but we had a warm, enjoyable, fun time together. I really cherish this vacation time with my great pals. By now, I feel at home, truly comfortable and confident, in Amsterdam and Cordoba, which makes return visits even more enjoyable.

Bebidas refrescantes y tapas in Posada del Potro, after an enchanting flamenco guitar performance.

At the moment, we're hosting some regular guests, J&A plus their two lovely children, ages 3 and 10 months. After they depart on Tuesday, I need to dig in and clear the clutter before housekeepers arrive to spiff up the house again. During the 24 days I was in Europe, Peter endured brutal, relentless, constant windstorms at home. Although he closed up the house, there is a layer of lava grit covering everything. Next Thursday, J&L from southern California will arrive for a few days. Of all the future guests on our calendar, the most happily anticipated is my beloved nephew, M, who will visit with his new fiancée J. I've loved that boy so deeply his entire life, and have lost regular contact as he's grown up and built his independent life. Can't wait to hug him and spend time with him!

I'm already thinking about my next major trip, which will take place after Labor Day, with Caroline. We  had to cancel our trip to Turkey last year, so may try to go there again. I hope we'll spend a few days in London, regardless of ultimate destination. London has become "our city;" we really know our way around, and feel comfortable pretending we live there.

Although I describe myself as "a dedicated follower of fashion," at home I live in shorts, tank tops and Orthaheel "slippahs" (in many colorways, of course). Because fashion is my passion (well, one of them, since I was a little girl), I'd enjoy visiting this portrait exhibit featuring the costumes of the British monarchs and courts during the Tudor and Stuart periods. Also, after several years in renovation, the fashion exhibits at the V&A have re-opened, so that is a definite plan. If there's enough time, we could take the train west to Bath, to visit its Fashion Museum's "Fifty Fabulous Frocks" special exhibit. She and I thoroughly enjoyed the time spent at this museum during our 2011 visit to Bath.

Trying on a corset and hoopskirt at Bath's Fashion Museum

An unrelated destination, Bletchley Park, will wait until another trip to the U.K.

The Eusocial Caste

"Eusociality, where some individuals reduce their own reproductive potential to raise others' offspring, is what underpins the most advanced form of social organization and the dominance of social insects and humans." 
  --   E. O. Wilson

This statement is from an article that Rachel linked in her profile. I was fascinated by the sentence; it offered me a surprising perspective. It was not the point of the article, but since I read everything from Rachel with attention to detail, I saw relevance in this sentence. The article, separately from all this, was also relevant. It discussed the social evolution of altruism.

But it was the quote from E. O. Wilson that struck me. As a young woman, I reduced my reproductive potential by choice (to help save the planet). I found another's offspring in peril, and I raised her in challenging circumstances, with love, hands on care and healing, and lots of hard work. What I just read informs me that I'm highly evolved!

I guess I already knew that.

In a couple months, Peter and I will be very social in the EU! ;-)

The Upshot

My family was emotionally sabotaged by Peter's mother and sister; their antagonistic words and actions persisted for many years after Peter asked them to stop. Despite claims of innocence, they continued to vigorously pursue their insidious efforts to alienate our daughter. So when I saw this "no fatties allowed" image today, you can imagine what I thought I saw! I modified it to reflect how I really feel:

Peter's mother is failing, and it is unfortunate that the family is broken. We're all sad that there is no apparent resolution to the problem. But it was her choice, and her actions that led the effort to cast me out. Neither Patty, nor Carol, feels any remorse. They can't conceive that they've acted horrendously to hurt our family as they have. There is no possibility of actualized love in either of those creatures (monsters). Normally, I would pity them, but they are unworthy of sympathy or mercy, and beneath contempt.

Twelve

It's 2012, and I have reached my fifth Dragon year. 2012 is the second Water Dragon year of my life; the first is my birth year, 1952. Over the past months, I've pondered my mortality and "what's important." It isn't easy to deny turning sixty, with its inevitable progression. Although, I won't experience a third Water Dragon year, I've determined that each twelve year cycle is important for me. I must celebrate each dragon year, including this one, by reflecting on lessons learned and pleasurable experiences of the past twelve years, then planning the coming twelve years. I will review each twelve month period in a similar fashion.

U.S. Forever Postage Stamp commemorating this Lunar New Year

Age twelve was a year of officially accepting responsibility, and becoming an adult in the Roman Catholic Church. I was confirmed at age twelve. Slapped quite harshly by Archbishop Dearden, my face flamed for several hours. Aunt Sharon, my confirmation sponsor, was quite upset about it, and still remarks on it when I see her! I'm sure that's why I mention it, because I expected to "stand as an adult" during the ceremony, and knew I'd be slapped — although normally it is a symbolic tap on the cheek. Perhaps the Archbishop recognized that I wasn't a real follower of the Church.

I will digress, and mention that age seven is the age of reason in the Catholic Church. When I was seven, in second grade, I was taught that Limbo -- the eternal home of pagans (unbaptized souls) -- was exactly like Heaven, except God isn't there. My reasoning brain could not resolve that matter of faith. I decided after that particular teaching (and after a year and a half of daily Religion classes), that I was no longer a Catholic. I knew that I had no choice in the matter, as my parents sent me to Catholic School, but I resolved that at age sixteen I could stop being a Catholic. I will say that the essential teachings of the Bible underlie my morals, and that if people actually followed the teachings of Jesus Christ, the world would be a much better place. But since age sixteen, after prolonged family drama which I endured quietly and steadfastly, I have no affiliation with organized religion.

At age 24, I became a financially independent woman. At age 36, a mother. At 48, a successful entrepeneur! 

There are twelve strings on guitars, twelve days of Christmas, twelve Apostles, twelve months of the year, 12-bar blues, twelve Olympians, twelve astrological signs -- western and eastern. Twelve seems to be an auspicious number, and I am pleased to celebrate my fifth twelve year cycle. I doubt that being a Water Dragon has anything to do with being a Water Bearer (Aquarius, an air sign), but I enjoy thinking of both as I embark on the new adventure of planning and living the final third of my life. I am grateful to have made it this far!

I love my friends and family -- received so many beautiful gifts, cards, communications, and unexpected phone calls, that I was nearly in tears of joy all day long!

I was deeply touched by this gift from Sheri -- here is a (distorted) image of the back cover of a lovely hard bound book of photos she's taken during our two trips around Hawaii Island and Kauai. She created it and sent it to me!

Travel continues to be part of my enjoyment of the world, in addition to my rather unbeatable daily life. In a few weeks, I'll join Leslie in Amsterdam, and we'll travel to Cordoba for eight days. The weather won't be warm, but I'll be able to wear clothes that I only can wear outside of Hawaii, or at high elevations here, so I don't mind. She and I will have an easy time hanging out in R's house in the Juderia,  and exploring ancient Spain together -- quite an excellent Water Dragon activity!